if drugs were t…

if drugs were the answer..what was the question?

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grown

i ran into a girl i once used to know,a little girly with a crush telling me shes now grown,stairing right back at me saying i aint changed i look a little older a little in the face she asked me questions bout my life so i told her nothings changed she said i see somethings never do i guess the difference is our age..hold up wait,let me explain she told me dont worry bout it she turned to walk away,and so i grabbed her as if i was fighting for my case i said before you get it twisted let me clear whats on your brain. And thats me just hold it,shit I never told no man so I said it once and asked her not to judge me after it she said fine i said cool,but I know its on her mine bet the moment that I left she called up all the friends she got and tells them not to tell no one but i just ran in to a friend used to have a crush on but after seeing them were cool as friends better long distance not really feeling it cant believe the shit she did when she moved up to Washington. Wearing hoodys in the sun just to cover what is under it marks up on her arms skin an bone the sexys gone and when ..we finally hugs it was like hugging on a poggo stick.sick

She said she used to fuckin love me why I do this to myself why I make myself all ugly why i dont give a shit about the people all around me why i get lost everytime i leave my house but shes glad she finally found me you got facebook. so i said the names still the same if you cared youd have looked me up but i guess somepeople slip ur brain.

ahh shes told me she used to love me hella crush on me all she wanted was some kisses an hugs from me but i was to buisy to old to care she was just a kid and i was never square and i told she was tripping that she was just ubsest she said yeah maybe so but ida treated you better then the rest but im grown now i see youll never change so we can keep in touch via email or myspace,id invite you to myplace but i see your in your mind i can tell by your sad face so im out. and just like that she walked away yeah im still fucking up but till now it was never this embarressing..the look apon her face like shes better then me now like im just a fuckin disgrace..good keep walkin i dont care ill make it some day and when your done hating walkin on back myway.

sad seeing you

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It is day 8

Will I survive this mental addiction,it’s been eight days eight days.

The only thing that is strong Is the mental thought,theheadache I could not focus at all today at all. Lord give me the strength I lack and the courage I had to get through this. I’m a survivor I don’t care what what my mind is wanting I have to take care of my self mentally and physically. Temptation I got out of my place of residence for a while my what I’d call(easy access) some place I could be that anything is just a phone call a way , aWalkdown the road. I gotta get rid of this mind set its taking over my every thought. My really good friend keeps telling me know matter fucking what we don’t have to use to day were better then that. 3percent of h addicts actually walk away from it completely the others they die they become that dead junkie the ambulance don’t try as hard as they could to bring most of them back. True story: theother day I wasn’t feeling it and my friend said to me I’m behind you a hundred percent but just look at the big picture. Your getting ready to catch the train you go and do your little hit go back to your seat feeling painless your eyes close,your breathing slowes,your heart stops. Your family’s there to get you from Amtrak but instead there forced to identify your lifeless over dosed junkie body. What a thought. What a way to be real. And that’s the only way ima choose to live real.                                               Today I did not use today,I cryed I got mad I wanted to say fuck it,but I survived. I am more then a statistic, I’m to good to not treat myself great.im precious this is an honest testimony. Hi I’m precious and I am a addict in recovery day 8. Please give me the strength.

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